Congleton Town 1 GNE 0

Back in November, it came to the attention of your ageing scribe that the town of Congleton had been studied by experts in Feng Shui and a report was issued. As we all know, Feng Shui is an ancient art and can be summarised as the way people react with and to their environment. The basis is that people react to different environments in different ways and that this interaction can cause changes in mood, emotions and thought. Given this, the idea is to influence these changes in a positive way. In Congleton, the “mission statement” described the aim of using Feng Shui as “to create an atmosphere that is satisfying to live and work in as well as likely to attract new people to the town”.

So far so good and, at this level, useful in dispelling some of the myths relating to Feng Shui, of which there are many. To mention just a few; it is often recommended to arrange furniture in a house to ensure free flow of energy, the orientation of windows is considered to be important in ensuring the best possible light wavelengths, which can be mood altering. In extreme cases, it has been recommended to demolish buildings and re-build them with a different orientation. This last point is perhaps interesting and we will come back to it later.

But, as said, the above are really myths. Reading the summary of the report presented in Congleton makes for some interesting reading – some may say – and reaches some firm conclusions based on observations on how the town operates. The format for many reports in these politically correct days tends to be somewhat stylised. The first thing to do is to put in one or two good points, then switch to bad points which, of course, are never defined as such – they are called “areas for potential improvement” – and then finish with some recommendations. Not surprisingly, in this report, there are a few good points. These include the river, park, architecture of the town hall, canal and flowers in the summer. Then we find the points of concern which include Mountbatten Way which “cuts the town in half”, the lack of atmosphere in the market and the austere nature of the railway station. How to overcome these drawbacks, and justify the study in the first place, forms the major plank of the research and are too long to go into here but the last sentence of the report is worth quoting –

"Whatever is done as part of the regeneration scheme aims to be something the residents can feel proud of and will attract new people to the town. This does not necessarily have to cost more, but does need to be original, creative and inspired from the outset."

I am reminded of the owner of a certain well known but fictitious hotel in Torquay some years ago, from whom we get the memorable line:-

“Next contestant, Mrs. Sybil Fawlty from Torquay. Specialist subject - the bleeding obvious.”

But how does this relate to Congleton Town FC? There is no reference in the report to the football club. However, it is entirely possible that some suggestions were made about changes to the environment surrounding the club. Spurious suggestions relating to moving the goalposts (a number of not very well hidden meanings here) to improve the energy flow, inspirational team talks and the like may well have been made. If this was the case then we can look at the effect of any such suggestions. Up until the date of the report – November 18th – the League record of Congleton Town was:-

Played 17 Won 11 Drawn 4 Lost 2 (points per match = 2.1)

Since November 18th we see:-

Played 23 Won 12 Drawn 4 Lost 7 (points per match = 1.7)

Does this represent a huge change of fortune? Have the wheels come off? Is this to do with Feng Shui or is there a much more mundane footballing reason for this? As ever, dear reader, feel free to come to your own conclusions.

The Supporters Club minibus (or hoolie-van according to one of our esteemed Directors) leaves The Friendship on time – well just about. In now time honoured tradition, we wait until we have crossed the county boundary at Woolley Bridge before refreshments are served. This is the “Sambuca Bus” which, admittedly, strikes fear into the heart of your ageing scribe who has never had much truck with anything other than pints of Bitter. Shifty has somehow managed to make a jelly version of Black Sambuca and, to be honest, it is quite delicious – a distinct aniseed flavour is smoothed by sufficient alcohol to make a dessert which would not be out of place on a Heston Blumenthal menu at the Fat Duck in Bray.

We arrive at the ground and find a recently re-furnished clubhouse serving beers from the local Beartown Brewery on handpulls. Rare indeed to find real ale in a clubhouse at our level, your ageing scribe can only think of Newcastle Town and, of course, Surrey Street amongst all the other league grounds we have visited this season, although, as you all know, short term memory is not my strong point so I may have forgotten somewhere. Anyway, pints of Kodiak Gold and Barely Literate – great name that – go down very well with a distinct preference for the Barely Literate.

£6 entrance and £1.20 for a programme full of information – quite good this one but will not win the “programme of the year” award.

Most of the GNE travelling army of about 50 from a crowd given as 175 set up camp on a hill behind the top goal. It’s not long before this particular piece of grassed are is named Hillmen Hill. A 3 flag day. The teams enter the field with GNE in the blue Hillmen shirts and Congleton in black and white stripes with a design which says STD. Make you own minds up what that stands for!! The first round of the “crowd head the ball” competition is won by Stockport Neil. The second round is won by one of our esteemed Directors but in slightly controversial circumstances – so I’m told. This idea for a crowd competition may well catch on. Would certainly work as a “catch the ball in the crowd” competition in 20twenty cricket and we recommend it to the ECB.

After 45 minutes, its half time and the home side lead 1-0. Hillmen Hill is deserted as the crowd slowly re-assemble, via stops for refreshments, behind the goal at the bottom end of the ground and turn it into a small but perfectly formed version of The Trenches at our beloved Surrey Street – let the chanting commence and it does, without a break, for the whole of the second half – magnificent! Part way through the second half, Martin Parker walks by and is treated to the full version of the Martin Parker Song at full volume – wonderful! The multi-talented Supporters Club Events co-ordinator tries his old trick of making preparations for the journey home when GNE are in need of a goal. Not for the first time this season, this ploy does not work and the match ends with a 1-0 victory to the home side.

We retire to the clubhouse to find that the Beartown beers have been consumed. Major disappointment this and your ageing scribe consoles himself with a Guinness.

We eventually leave and the journey back to Glossop is lively, Shifty finds some speed bumps somewhere which test the constitutions of the travellers somewhat but all is well. A great day, even though we lost the match…