Atherton LR 4 GNE 1

Atherton has three amateur football teams, Atherton Collieries, Atherton LR and Atherton Town – not bad for a town of just over 20,000 people (rather smaller than our beloved Glossop).

OK, so what does the LR stand for? No doubt a number of my dear readers will know the answer to this one – and I am by no means trying to usurp the role of “The Teacher’s Footy Quiz” in the GNE matchday programme - but the origins of the name Atherton LR still make for interesting reading – perhaps.

Well, the LR stands for Laburnum Rovers and, not surprisingly, this was the original name of the club now known as Atherton LR. The roots of the club go back to 1956 with a group of young lads playing football in the street – perhaps it was Laburnum Street but this is not clear. The name change came in 1980 when an application to join the old Cheshire County League was accepted. A stipulation of the league was that the name of the club had to represent the town they were from, hence Atherton Laburnum Rovers.

Interesting rule that one which would have serious repercussions if applied universally. As an illustration, I take just one example. Many will already know that there is no such place as Raith in Scotland. If we were to apply the rule, then Raith Rovers would be known as something like “Kircaldy Rovers”. Reasonably OK so far but had this occurred it would have deprived the footballing community of what is often quoted as a “Colemanball”. That being a famous Raith Rovers victory in the 1960s which led to the BBC commentator saying that “the fans would be dancing in the streets of Raith tonight”. Well, two points of clarification on this one. First of all, this probably owes more to the Rugby Union commentator the late Bill McClaren than anyone else and, secondly, the BBC commentator in question was Sam Leitch and not David Coleman. Ah well, “never let the truth get in the way of a good story” said Oggie – a principle applied rigorously by your ageing scribe in the construction of this series of short narratives.

Further, reference to Raith Rovers reminds me of the most famous modern day supporter of Raith Rovers that being Mr. Gordon, Prudence, Son of the Manse, Brown, our Prime Minister – at least for a few more days. Isn’t it quite remarkable how our green and pleasant land has been invaded over recent decades by politicians of Scottish descent and that despite voting for devolution for Scotland in the shape of the Scottish parliament – budget £40+ million, actual cost £400+ million for that monstrous building at the Holyrood House end of the Royal Mile in Edinburgh – these people get to shape the destiny of England without any reciprocity? After more than 25 years, we still await a satisfactory answer to the “West Lothian” question, as posed by the former MP for West Lothian, Mr. Tam Dalyell, and the knotty mathematical problem known as the “Barnett Formula” which relates to funding levels in Scotland. At least, in real mathematics, we now have a solution relating to Fermat’s Last Theorem and I cordially invite our resident mathematician to supply a solution to the seemingly intractable issues relating to the Barnett Formula. Without really giving the game away, our resident mathematician is also the Supporters Club Chairman of Vice – who says blokes can’t multi-task – and there may be no coincidence in the shared surname.

Going back to the West Lothian question, anybody who comes up with a way out of this one would probably be granted a life peerage but it must be said that Mr. Joel Barnett, who proposed the Barnett Formula, was elevated to the Lords without actually solving anything!! However, having said that, such a “prize” may not now be considered to be as desirable as in the past. This is not only to do with the ongoing tinkering with the structure of the House of Lords, but also due to the likely fall out from the MPs expenses controversy – don’t get me started on that one otherwise we will never get to Congleton. Yes, I know that the Congleton Town game is 2 days away but, even so…

On the way to the match, one of our esteemed Directors emphasises the point about there being more than one football team in Atherton by regaling us with the tale of arriving at LR, finding it deserted only to eventually find out the GNE were playing at Atherton Collieries – an easy mistake to make, perhaps!

£5 entrance and £1 for a programme printed for the match originally scheduled for March 30th but subsequently postponed until tonight. However, there are two features of the programme worthy of note. The first is that the mighty GNE are described as having a manager by the name of Steve Yates. This prompts your ageing scribe to ask if we have a centre half by the name of Danny Young?? The second is the description of Garry Kharas as a “veteran howitzer”. Very imaginative is this and we wonder if the tag will stick.

The playing surface is interesting with a pronounced end to end slope, very long grass and rare species of native flora in the space between the touchlines and the perimeter fence. A botanist’s dream as we imagine some guy crawling around on all fours, magnifying glass in hand, searching for the final resting place of some long thought extinct species of orchid.

The “intimate” clubhouse is just one of many buildings around the ground, all of which appear to be set at improbable angles due to the slope of the pitch. We are advised that there are no pies for sale although a “pie warmer, full of pies” is spotted. Requests for cups of coffee are greeted by a very definite No!! Seems that pies and tea/coffee are destined for the players and Directors but a missed commercial opportunity here – not for the first time - remember Silsden?

GNE start by playing uphill and a small section of the GNE travelling army of around 30 from a crowd given later as 52, set up the flags in front of a shed opposite the main stand. A two flag day. The floodlights come on – well some of them do – and Dicey hopes for some early action to photograph as the light fades rapidly on this drizzly, dank evening. Close to the end of the first half, Martin Parker comes off the pitch to be replaced by Rick Bailey. This prompts a re-organisation in the backline and our indomitable Manager (Steve Yates??) is heard to instruct Trucca to go to centre back. An audible sigh emanates from the GNE support as memories of Winsford in the League Cup coming flooding back. Our indomitable Manager retorts, “even the crowd don’t like that decision” – how true!!

After 45 minutes, it’s half time. 3-0 to Atherton LR and, according to our voluble Chairman, 3 assists for GNE. The setting sun peeps briefly through the clouds and a rainbow is spotted behind the railway line at the bottom end of the ground. This prompts references to a current television programme in the “popular culture” slot on Saturday evening on BBC 1 by the suggestion that we are represented on the field tonight by 11 “Dorothy’s”. Brilliant, but no reference to Toto – probably wisely.

In the second half, the GNE supporters in front of the flags look for some entertainment by having a £1 sweep on which of them would be the first to head the ball. After a few near misses, particularly by the ex Old Glossopians centre half who, seemingly, refused to jump – parallels here with the equalising goal by Colne last Tuesday – the prize is won by Shifty with a deft header as the ball is deflected off a clump of dandelions. Attention switches to trying to convince the linesman that the match should be abandoned. Spurious reasons such as defective floodlights and a strong smell of gas fails to bring the desired result. A “spontaneous” pitch invasion is discussed but, ultimately, rejected as not being in the spirit of the game. Thoughts then turn to the next away match at Congleton on Saturday – the Sambuca awayday!!!

As the match enters the last five minutes, the flags are taken down and GNE score a goal. Should we have taken the flags down earlier – or not put them up at all? Food for thought here, perhaps.

At the end of the match, Atherton LR win 4-1 and take a massive step towards safety from relegation from the Premier Division. One of their supporters later confirms that LR are indeed now safe from relegation and is looking forward to playing us next season. No great surprise that he is looking forward to next season considering the result tonight – cheerfully forgetting, of course, that GNE beat LR comprehensively at Surrey Street only 2 weeks ago. A marvellous thing is a lack of short term memory as your ageing scribe can personally confirm.

All-in-all, LR were “up for it” tonight and GNE were not.